A couple of weeks ago, I randomly had the idea to start a memoir, which would be crafted through a series of essays. At first, I didn’t know what I wanted it to be about, just that I wanted to write one. But as I started narrowing down my ideas and writing out some scenes from my life, I soon found myself writing about my experiences in early motherhood.

Since taking a positive pregnancy test a little over three years ago, I have been through a lot. Really, not much more than any other mom, and for some, way less than them. However, I realized that I don’t know the experiences of any other moms in my life about the topics and events that I have struggled, and continue to struggle, with the most.

“Why does no one talk about this?” has become a constant question I ask whenever I’m venting or talking through a situation with my husband.

There are so many great books about motherhood, and I’ve probably only scratched the surface of what’s out there, but I’ve never seen one quite like the one I’ve started to develop. I realized after writing the first couple of essays that this stuff needs to be said. Plenty of women who could probably say it better are out there, but I’m the one currently standing up to speak. So I’m going to do it.

This book is going to be emotionally raw. It has to be. The only way to get a genuine, heartfelt conversation going about pregnancy and motherhood is if I start by laying the truth bare. And honestly, I feel like I may be the person to do it, because I don’t mind sharing the nitty gritty details (as long as the person I’m talking to has consented to hearing it).

Not only do I think this book will be valuable to the greater conversation of pregnancy and motherhood, but I also think it’s going to be extremely valuable to me. I’ve experienced a lot of pain and trauma, my mental health has taken a beating, and I have a lot of mom guilt to work through.

This memoir will allow me to dig back into the hurt and, hopefully, dig it out, so I can heal. It will allow me to encapsulate my younger, more ignorant self and leave her in a place of purpose and healing, so I can move on with my life. What’s more, I can help her to feel seen by sharing her story and connecting her to all the mothers and future-mothers who read it. Together, we will say, “Our stories matter, and we are not alone.”

And that’s the most beautiful thing writing can do.

(This post is also on Substack: https://open.substack.com/pub/tothineownselfbetrue/p/digging-it-up-digging-it-out?r=3xyabx&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false)