Perfectionism is usually the main barrier keeping people from their dreams. I have seen perfectionism in myself and others through the writing process. It used to hold me back on self-publishing and making YouTube videos, among many other things. Since I self-published my first novel and began posting on my YouTube channel, it should be pretty obvious that perfectionism is no longer holding me back.

In my publishing career so far, I’ve had a more “we’ll see what happens!” approach, which, I’ll admit, hasn’t been without some major stresses. Still, if I hadn’t jumped in head first, I wouldn’t have understood many aspects of being an indie author/publisher. Even with all the twists and turns and bumps in the road, every thing is off to a good start. And the same goes for my YouTube channel.

Aiming to get everything right the first time can actually be detrimental to you. Stories about indie authors reaching the top of international bestseller lists and selling thousands of copies for their first book bombard us. We believe this is what we have to shoot for. Anything less than this level of success is embarrassing. But that’s just a symptom of perfectionism. Where does it actually come from?

I teach at a school built around the idea of “mastery-based learning.” Because of this, I sometimes forget how traditional schools nuture perfectionism. You get one chance to get an A. If you get sick, struggle to sleep the night before, or need more time learning the content, you’re out of luck.

Then, we have all these adults thinking that’s how the world works. It isn’t, in case you were wondering. Very few tasks in our lives are make or break. And yet, so many of us believe if they don’t get something right on the first try they are unworthy of love, respect, or whatever it is they believe.

For me, it was always about my intellegence. If I would do something incorrect or fail at a task, I would think, “There it is! Now people will know you’re an idiot. Great job, genius.” But over the years I’ve learned two important points: 1) who cares if people think you’re an idiot? You can’t control what people think and 2) anytime I do something poorly or fail, I actually get smarter.

We cannot learn without trying and failing. Traditional grading systems in school contribute significantly to this misunderstanding, which is amplified by only hearing success stories. Still, that doesn’t mean we can’t work through perfectionism.

What helped me most was to accept who I am and know that I am loved no matter how silly something I do may seem. But after that, I learned how awesome failing can be by learning more as I went through life by going, “Hmm… that didn’t work. What else can I try?” And you know what? I have inspired so many people in my life to put themselves out there and try things they were scared to do because of perfectionism.

Sure, there may be people who think I’m dumb or silly. People might read my debut novel or watch my videos and cringe. But those people are assholes, and I don’t care what they think, anyway. You shouldn’t either.